Starved for the whole truth, man? Take a bite out of this bitsy but beefy package, brimming with flavorized morsels of wit, wisdom and worldly knowledge brought to you by the one and only Bartholomew J. Simpson -- get the hard-knocks facts of life from the guy who's seen it all, heard it all, done it all and denies it all.

( "The "J" stands for "Jo-Jo.".." )